I’ve realized in my life that unless you’re trying to find a solution to an issue with someone who has demonstrated and reciprocated emotional investment and you know by experience is honest and has the ability to self reflect…
Involves you cutting a check…
Confrontation is POINTLESS.
Point. Blank. Period.
It will bring you to high stress levels capable of impacting your body harmfully.
What you tell them could be completely accurate and they will STILL look you dead in the eye and tell you you’re wrong, that it did not happen, that that person is lying, so on and so forth.
It’s super common to be gaslit during confrontation. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where a person straight up lies about factual information (many times regarding situations you witnessed with your own eyes) to give you the impression that you cannot trust your own senses, leaving you questioning your own sanity.
Do not be surprised if you leave that situation enraged, red faced, bamboozled, and ready to commit a crime.
I highly suggest everyone, especially those of you who came from abusive homes or abusive relationships to learn the definitions of emotional abuse, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, manipulation and to research manipulation tactics. This could save you in so many ways you don’t even realize.
But, back to the topic at hand.
People lie. All the time. To each other and to themselves.
The truth is too scary. It’s easier to point the finger at you and make you the villain than to look within and confront their demons. To admit that you are right would mean coming to terms with the fact that they are not perfect. That they, like everyone else, fuck up from time to time. That they have some sort of emotional wound that still remains open, raw. infected and untouched.
That’s too painful to face and most people refuse to go that deep. Despite rare exceptions, people do not change. They rarely will for their own healing and they most certainly will not do it for you.
Instead, pay attention to action. Pay attention to your gut. When you feel you aren’t being told the truth, pretend you’re listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Pay attention to the face, the body. Pretend you’re deaf. Do they look sad? Remorseful? Emotional? Pay attention to the actions. Are they demonstrating their claims through their behavior?
If they don’t, distance yourself and work on your own healing. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your mental and emotional health should always precede another person and their needs. That is their responsibility.
If you really feel the need to tell them off, do so in a note and don’t send it. Delete it, burn it, throw it in the ocean. Whatever. Do it in mirror and pretend that’s them you see in the reflection. Curse them the fuck out. Scream, point your fingers, jump up and down, punch your mattress. Get that shit out of your system and walk away.
Please make sure you’re home alone and there’s no one around to hear you though. Don’t end up with the cops at your door because the neighbors thought you committed a murder when you were actually assaulting your pillow.
Make yourself the focal point. That’s your job. There’s a reason why you’re told by the flight attendants on a plane “Put your own oxygen mask on first.”
What do you love to do? What are your goals and aspirations? If you love doing something, do it more. If you hate something, do it less or avoid it all together. (I am not referring to necessary responsibility)
When you learn to love and accept yourself, the company of others is only optional.
Love yourself the way you would your child. Would you encourage your child to play with children who are mean and make them feel bad? Nope, you’d protect them. Why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself? Shield your heart the same way. You come first, choose yourself first.
Sending you all much love always ❤️